Some things are just too complex for words to explain, so silence would be a better option.
I always had complex thoughts to describe even the simplest small events. I like to build thoughts and combine them to form a conspiracy theory for each situation or incident.
Over years, this helped me to build complex feelings. People call it arrogance, but it is there.
Someone may come and ask a simple question as in "Why are not you in the mood?", or, "why sad?" , and I really feel like answering, but really can't find the right words.
What is "the mood" you are talking about ? I never had a mood and don't think I'll ever have one.
People can be angry or happy or sad. But I forget a lot. Forget as in FORGET. I forget why I am angry or sad. I don't remember anything. All I think of is how to integrate the new AI engine in our next project, or how to put the next agile modeling technique into practice. I feel everyone going for argeeleh (hubbly bubbly) or playing cards has nothing really to do in life. I know they are not,but still, that's what I feel.
Smoking is one thing that I disgrace and hate so bad, and I mean so MUCH. I feel that all smokers are people without inner peace. I hate to see people smoking or having argeeleh. It just makes me feel bad each time. Why is this the only thing the youth care for. Smoking and playing cards and girls, and don't let me start with the girls thing. Women ask for rights, but believe me they have it all. Women here have more power and influence more than any other place in the world, and I don't mean politics, cause actually no cares about politics anymore, I haven't even read a newspaper since a month now.
Ignorance is tightly integrated with complexity. Ignoring and forgetting everything that bothers you. You see something but you cannot describe or discuss your feelings about it, WHY? Because it is too complicated to be described. That makes you so silent, with nothing to talk about, nothing to say, nothing to share, and worse, no response to events, no negative feelings, no positive feelings, no neutral feelings, you become so empty, so boring, so FLAT. Yah, flat, 2-dimensional
, like a carpet from a top-view, no , like a "super thread"
, zero height and zero thickness. Insignificant and just another one of a bunch.
You spend your time creating a complex set of feelings and interact with it within yourself, creating your own inner world , your inner community, become more and more silent, integrate yourself with silence.
Loose feelings towards the world, moon and stars no longer mean any thing, just lighting spots up there, u see the moon in 2-D
, you no longer feel its circularity or roundness.
Feel like sleeping and forgetting and ignoring. Loosing Control of your inner-created-world.
I'm so silent lately, so boring, even I find myself boring, I feel like saying nothing, just imitate and build compound ideas. Ideas that never shows, cause it is buried inside.
I really need a hug, a simple one :)Music Mood: - No Music Mood